I’m Straight Now

Well, it’s official. I’ve taken the exam and after months of waiting, I’m no longer a lesbian. I am officially straight, with the certificate to prove it!

I know what you’re thinking: the process took far too long. Unfortunately, switching sexualities like that takes a lot of time. There are forms to fill in, applications that must be sent off, not to mention the mad hunt for recommendations from my employers and mentors. It took me about a month to find the required pieces of identification. In the end, though, it was worth it. So here I am!  Newly heterosexual and loving it.

Sigh. If only there were some way I could have a sexuality that encompassed my desire for all the genders…

In case my sarcasm doesn’t translate well, or perhaps you are new to this blog, I’ve had yet another confrontation over my sexuality.

I have a boyfriend. We’ve been dating since February and things are going well. I know, I kept that hidden from you, but it hasn’t been relevant to anything I’ve been writing about. Besides, I like to keep my private life private. I’m aware there’s an irony of me telling you that on my very public blog, but roll with me.

Anyway, my sexuality is something which I speak of on often. When talking to online friend recently, I mentioned that I am in a relationship. The response was not something I’m okay with.

“Aw, you didn’t say you were straight now! uwu”

That’s apparently a happy face tacked on the end there. I’m glad they were happy, because I was so insulted.

My sexuality is not a heterosexual on-off switch. It doesn’t matter who I am with, I still find all genders to be attractive. I am attracted to my boyfriend and I am attracted to Laverne Cox. I would gladly spend a night with Black Widow or with Captain America. This monosexist view of bisexuality is beyond a joke at this point.

More than that, by saying I’m straight now, this friend essentially erased relationships I’ve had with women. They no longer count because my partner happens to be a man. You don’t get to erase part of my history because it doesn’t fit in to your monosexist view of how attraction works.

I know my friend did not say this with malice. She apologised, and I do forgive her. But it is a view often taken in the media and I am not happy with it. This whole “I’m totally straight, with you as my exception” trope is unbelievably damaging. I’ve dated biphobic people in the past who didn’t seem to grasp that my sexuality is not dependent on their gender. Many fights were had there.

I have been called greedy, confused, ex-lesbian and even accused of faking it before. I’m not sure how I faked a year and a half with my ex-girlfriend, but here we are. I’m clearly a better actress than I thought. This language is offensive, it’s biphobic, and it needs to stop. And relabeling my sexuality to fit in with your two-tone version of how attraction works is incredibly rude and bordering on an attack.

Bisexuality exists. I am in fact here. Acknowledge me!

My auntie once joking asked me if I was back in the closet, knowing it would get a rise out of me. This is different. This is a banter that she knows I am comfortable with, knowing she knows better. Others have asked it in all seriousness. I think the anger in this post proves that I have torn my closet doors from the hinges, never to be forced in again.

This was supposed to be a post on Harry Potter. It’s what I promised Skott. Skott is a dear friend of mine who recently started blogging, and whom you can find on my blogroll, once I get that up and running. I’m sorry, Skott, but a more pressing matter presented itself. Harry Potter will be up soon.

And so, dear readers, we reach the end of another post.

Let me ask you this: have you ever had someone change your sexuality like that? Have you ever experienced bierasure from a friend? And how would you feel if you were dating a proud bisexual?

Let me know your thoughts.

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About Stephanie Gallon

I'm 22 years old with first class honours in BA (Hons) English and Creative Writing. I'm currently studying MA English Studies. I'm an author, a blogger, and a zealot of all things written. I write on everything from comics, to feminism, to advice on university life.
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7 Responses to I’m Straight Now

  1. skottrmason says:

    As much as this is a daunting issue and I feel your pain, I can’t help but be happy. Happy you’re back! Turning a negative into a positive, I’m happy to have you back in the cybersphere.

    Like

  2. Kez Dent says:

    There’s a lot of people who hassle me for identifying as asexual. Apparently, having had sex in the past means that my general dislike and dissatisfaction – as well as a lack of sexual interest – means that I cannot possibly be asexual. Or “asexuals don’t exist in humans”. It just gets worse when they find out that I don’t mind what gender a person is with regards to a relationship. Apparently, that ‘proves’ that I have an interest in people sexually and am therefore just lying to get attention. Trying to explain to people that sexuality isn’t a clear cut thing, there’s spectrums for everything and them cutting you down because of their inability to accept that is not in anyway constructive.

    Like

    • I’ve written on asexuality in the past. There is a heteronormative view is the media that marks homosexuality as the other, and can’t begin to imagine that there is a spectrum behind it. Just getting some people to admit there is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction can be a challenge.

      Your past relationships don’t define your sexuality. You do. Keep on being awesome, Kez.

      Like

      • Kez Dent says:

        You too, Steph. I am proud that you are confident enough to be able to write about those issues close to you.

        Like

  3. ellendolfan says:

    When I told a friend I was bi, his first words were, No, you’re not. Yes, I am. And being a virgin when it comes to sex with a female doesn’t change that fact either.

    Like

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